Discretion

SHARON (stage whisper)

Tomek! To-mek. Come here. Come HERE, boy.

TOMEK

Morning, Sharon.

SHARON

Don’t you “morning Sharon” me. I have been dying to talk to you since yesterday. My brother. Ciarán. You know Ciarán.

TOMEK

I do not think I —

SHARON

Yeah you do. You were on Grindr. He showed me your profile. That picture with the dog that is not your dog? He said you told him it was your sister’s dog. I said that’s fierce sneaky, like, using a dog you don’t even own.

TOMEK

Sharon —

SHARON

So imagine my surprise, Sunday morning, I’ve popped round Ciarán’s to borrow his airfryer, and who comes scurrying out the front door? Marcus Chen. Senior Partner. Client side. Nearly dropped my smoothie. And then Ciarán tells me you were both there Saturday night. The three of ye. Together. (she mimes something vague but unmistakable) I didn’t even know that was a thing Ciarán was into.

TOMEK

Please stop talking.

SHARON

I’m not judging! Fair play to you, boy. And Marcus Chen is quite fit for an older man, isn’t he? Ciarán said he was nervous at first but after a few drinks —

TOMEK

Sharon. Whatever Ciarán told you — whatever you think you saw — it does not get repeated. Not to anyone. Not to your mates, not in the canteen, not on social media. Nothing. Ever.

SHARON

I wouldn’t —

TOMEK

You are doing it now. In the office. Where anyone could walk past.

SHARON (chastened)

Yeah, alright. Point taken, so it is.

TOMEK

Marcus Chen is a senior partner. At our client. If this gets out — if there is even a rumour — that is his marriage, his career, my career, and probably your job too. HR would investigate how it started. It would get back to you.

SHARON

His marriage? (lowering her voice) I said to Ciarán, isn’t he married? And Ciarán said yeah but it’s one of them arrangements. Open or whatever.

TOMEK

I do not want to know.

SHARON

‘Tis a dangerous game though, boy. His wife is a senior counsel. Family law. She’s made her name turning wealthy men into significantly less wealthy men.

TOMEK

That is not making me feel better.

SHARON (smaller now)

I wasn’t gonna tell anyone. I just thought it was mad, like. What are the chances?

TOMEK

Dublin is a village. I need your word.

SHARON

You have it. I swear.

TOMEK

Tell Ciarán I said hi. And that I am not answering his texts.

SHARON

He’s gutted, boy. He proper likes you.

TOMEK

He likes everyone, Sharon. That is the problem.

SYLVIE (without turning around)

Three people. That is complicated.

SHARON

… How long have you been there?

SYLVIE (turning now)

I have been here since eight o’clock. I sit here every day. My name is on the desk.

TOMEK

Sylvie. We were just —

SYLVIE

Discussing arrangements. Yes. Open ones, apparently.

SHARON

You heard all of that?

SYLVIE

The airfryer. The Grindr. The dog that is not his dog. Yes.

TOMEK

Sylvie —

SYLVIE

Relax. I pay attention. I do not care. There is a difference.

TOMEK

You do not care.

SYLVIE

What you do on weekends, with how many people, in what configurations — this is not my concern. I have code to write.

SHARON

So you won’t —

SYLVIE

I will not anything. I am French. We invented discretion.

SHARON (exasperated)

Right. Grand. (sighs) I need a cup of tea after that.

SHARON (mischievously)

Just one question though … which one of you boyos is “Bunny?”

TOMEK

Sharon! Goddamn it!

SYLVIE (stops typing)

Say “Bunny” again and I will make your calendar interesting.

MRS (CHEN)

Good morning. I hope I’m not interrupting.

SHARON

Not at all! Can I help you?

MRS (CHEN)

I’m looking for my husband. Marcus Chen. I was told this was his floor.

SHARON

Oh, you’re Mrs Chen! He’s not here just now, but he’s usually in around —

MRS (CHEN)

Yes, I know his schedule. (pleasant smile) I thought I’d pop in. See where he spends all his time. He’s been working such long hours lately. Saturdays, even.

SHARON

Saturdays. Right. Yeah.

MRS (CHEN)

There was some sort of team building exercise this weekend, apparently. Saturday evening. He didn’t get home until nearly one in the morning. (still pleasant) Interesting schedule for a work event.

TOMEK

These things can… run late.

MRS (CHEN glancing at him, then dismissing)

Mm. (her attention moves to SYLVIE) And you are?

SYLVIE

Sylvie. Senior developer.

MRS (CHEN)

French?

SYLVIE

Yes.

MRS (CHEN)

How lovely. Do you work closely with my husband?

SYLVIE

When the project requires it.

MRS (CHEN)

And does it? Require it?

SYLVIE

From time to time.

MRS (CHEN)

I see. (beat) Were you at the team building on Saturday?

SYLVIE

No.

MRS (CHEN)

No?

SYLVIE

I do not attend optional social events. I prefer to keep my weekends for myself.

MRS (CHEN)

How sensible. (beat) So you weren’t there.

SYLVIE

I was at home. Alone. Reading. I can recommend the book if you like.

MRS (CHEN)

That won’t be necessary.

SYLVIE

It is quite good. A legal thriller. The wife discovers her husband has been —

MRS (CHEN cutting her off)

Thank you. (turns away from Sylvie)

MRS (CHEN)

And you must be…?

SHARON

Sharon. Reception. I’m not usually on this floor, I was just —

MRS (CHEN)

Fixing the printer?

SHARON

How did you —

MRS (CHEN)

Lucky guess. (warm smile) You seem like someone who knows what goes on in this building, Sharon.

SHARON

I wouldn’t say that, now —

MRS (CHEN)

Don’t be modest. Receptionists see everything, don’t they? Who comes in late. Who leaves early. Who goes to lunch together.

SHARON

I suppose, but —

MRS (CHEN)

This team building on Saturday. Were you there?

SHARON

Me? No. God, no. They don’t invite reception to things like that.

MRS (CHEN)

But you know who was there.

SHARON

I … not really. I mean, I heard about it, but —

MRS (CHEN)

From whom?

SHARON

Just … around. You know how it is.

MRS (CHEN)

I do. (beat) And what did you hear?

SHARON

Nothing! Nothing specific. Just that there was a thing. A team thing. On Saturday.

MRS (CHEN)

A thing.

SHARON

A work thing. Very professional. Boring, probably. You know what these corporate events are like. Icebreakers and that.

MRS (CHEN)

Until one in the morning?

SHARON

Some icebreakers take a while to… break. The ice.

MRS (CHEN)

And you. (finally turning to TOMEK) You’ve been very quiet.

TOMEK

I do not have much to add.

MRS (CHEN)

No? You work with Marcus, don’t you?

TOMEK

On the project. Yes.

MRS (CHEN)

Were you at this team building?

TOMEK

Briefly.

MRS (CHEN)

Briefly.

TOMEK

I left early. I had other plans.

MRS (CHEN)

Other plans. On a Saturday night.

TOMEK

Yes.

MRS (CHEN)

What sort of plans?

TOMEK

Personal ones.

MRS (CHEN)

I see. (she glances between the three of them) Well. You’ve all been very helpful.

SHARON

Have we?

MRS (CHEN)

In your own way. (checks her watch) Do tell Marcus I stopped by. And that I’ll see him at home. (smiles)

SHARON

Jesus Christ.

SYLVIE

She is good.

SHARON

She nearly had me! I was about to confess and I haven’t even done anything!

SYLVIE

That is what she does. She makes people say things for a living. Things they do not always want to say.

SHARON

What?

TOMEK

Ciarán.

SHARON

What’s he saying?

TOMEK (reading)

Mrs Chen just followed him on Instagram.

SHARON

She what?

TOMEK

And me. Just now. Both of us.

SYLVIE

She knew before she walked in. She was confirming which one of you is the idiot.

SHARON

Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus, Tomek.

TOMEK

This is bad.

SYLVIE

This is very bad.

MARCUS (CHEN)

Is she gone?

SHARON (brightly)

All clear!

MARCUS (CHEN relieved)

Good. Good. Thank you for covering. I know that wasn’t easy.

MARCUS (CHEN to Tomek)

Listen. I’ve been thinking about your proposal. The one you presented last week. Very impressive work.

TOMEK

Thank you.

MARCUS (CHEN)

I think there’s real potential. We should spend more time on it. Just the two of us. Offsite. Somewhere with fewer distractions.

SYLVIE

I hear Dalkey is lovely this time of year.

MARCUS (CHEN thrown)

I’m sorry?

SYLVIE

Dalkey. The sea views. Very private.

MARCUS (CHEN)

I don’t know what you think you’re implying, but I’d be very careful —

TOMEK

Marcus.

MARCUS (CHEN)

— about making insinuations in a professional —

TOMEK

Marcus. Stop.

TOMEK

Your wife just followed me on Instagram. And Ciarán.

MARCUS (CHEN)

Who is Ciarán?

TOMEK

You know who Ciarán is.

MARCUS (CHEN)

That doesn’t mean anything. She follows lots of people.

TOMEK

At nine thirty on a Monday morning? Five minutes after she was here?

SYLVIE

She is not stupid, Mr Chen. She is the opposite of stupid.

SHARON

She’s a senior counsel. Family law. She does this for a living.

TOMEK

There will be no offsite. There will be no Dalkey. There will be no “workshopping the proposal.”

MARCUS (CHEN)

Tomek —

TOMEK

Whatever this was — whatever you thought it was going to be — it is over. Before she turns both of us into a case study.

MARCUS (CHEN quietly)

Right. (straightens his jacket) Right. Well. I should… I have a meeting.

SHARON

Did that just happen?

SYLVIE

It did.

SHARON

Tomek told off a senior partner.

SYLVIE

He did.

SHARON (to Tomek)

Are you alright?

TOMEK

I do not know. (beat) I think so. Yes.

SYLVIE

That was brave.

TOMEK

That was self-preservation.

SYLVIE

Sometimes they are the same thing.

SHARON

Dublin’s a village.

TOMEK

So people keep saying.

SHARON

Who are you texting?

TOMEK

Ciarán.

SHARON

What are you telling him?

TOMEK

That I am answering his texts now.

SYLVIE

Progress.

TOMEK (almost smiling)

Progress.